


what liberates us is stronger than who we are

by prettyskylark



Category: Tanz der Vampire - Steinman/Kunze
Genre: Blood, Canon Compliant, F/M, Post-Canon, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24793789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyskylark/pseuds/prettyskylark
Summary: "The first night was worse than a nightmare."Set after the events of Tanz der Vampire.
Relationships: Sarah Chagal/Graf von Krolock
Kudos: 16





	what liberates us is stronger than who we are

**Author's Note:**

> PSA: There are as many interpretations of these characters as there are actors portraying them. Everyone brought something new and each production and its staging created a new perspective. However there was a couple of recordings that inspired me and they are as follows:
> 
> Totale Finsternis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfvsKcmvZFE&list=LL4FpqoOv76TxN32a8TduDaQ&index=13&t=0s  
> Tanzsaal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBTRLG18xY0&list=LL4FpqoOv76TxN32a8TduDaQ&index=4&t=0s  
> Die Unstillbare Gier https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ_5Ys-kQEE&list=LL4FpqoOv76TxN32a8TduDaQ&index=5&t=0s

The first night was worse than a nightmare.

Sarah felt as if she was reborn and learning how to exist again. In a way, _she was_. Death cut off her senses for a moment like a particularly strong shot of liquor before everything came back alarmingly intense. And that _hunger_. Every breath she took seemed to be laced with this new, overwhelming desire, making it very hard to focus on anything else. Only now, everything seemed a little hazy and blurry at the edges, red even. She could hear the gasps and see the helpless writhing of the vampires around her, reaching out for her weakened body, wanting to get the last drop. Somewhere at the back of her consciousness, she noticed the Count standing between her and the undead crowd, protecting her from them or guarding his prey, she didn’t know. She let Krolock heave her to a standing position and lead her through the dancing crowd like a puppet and didn’t even notice when a different pair of hands guided her out of the castle.

This boy, Alfred, that had followed her and made it his life mission to rescue her when she had repeatedly told him she was no damsel in distress. Together with this weird, old professor they ran in the dead cold of winter as far from the castle and its immortal inhabitants as possible. They stopped when the outline of the fortress was nothing but a shadow swallowed by mist. Only then Sarah truly got hold of this new form and her needs. And what she needed was to feed on something. On someone. Her entire body felt prickly with cold needles of hunger and Alfred was pleasantly radiating hot off of his. It seemed to be coming in waves, to the tune of his pounding heart. She had ignored his stubborn love-sickness before and maybe if she didn’t feel close to madness from bloodlust, she would feel a smidge of compassion towards him and his hopeful eyes and an earnest smile. Maybe if he wasn’t blinded by feeling like a hero, he would have noticed the starved glimmer in her eyes, too. She couldn’t properly focus on the words coming out of his mouth, some excited nonsense, his vision of their life together. She got close to him, soaking up his warmth, making him believe she wanted to be in his arms before she leaned in as if she wanted to plant a kiss on his awaiting lips, and bit his neck.

The skin gave way easier than she had thought. Then again, she had never had sharp fangs before. Blood spilled on her tongue burning hot and filled her mouth, dripping down her chin a little. It didn’t taste like anything she had tried before. It tasted more like a sensation rather than an actual flavor. Like passion and desire and pleasure. Momentarily the coldness of her dry veins was replaced with sweet hotness of life. Alfred convulsed beneath her and it thrilled her even more for whatever reason. Sarah let him go before she drank all of his blood, leaving just enough for the transformation to happen. She felt full so she decided to leave the professor alone. After all, Alfred will probably need something to feed on as well.

And so she left, not knowing where her feet were leading her but feeling the need to get away. She knew she had to find herself a place to rest before the first rays of sun hurt her. Still a little dizzy, she grabbed the hem of her red dress (the ball felt centuries away from her now) and started running. Alfred still whimpered and moaned on the ground behind her back but the sounds quickly faded with the wind and crushed leaves. The material kept catching on twigs and roots, ripping in the process and getting heavy from the mud sticking to its edges. The night’s sky turned from deep navy to ashy grey and soon would welcome the pink hues of the sunrise. It was her first night as a vampire but Sarah had no desire of it being her last. Finally, when panic started clutching at her throat, she spotted an old graveyard gate in the distance, one on the outskirts of the nearby village. She sped up, forced the metal doors open, and dropped onto her knees next to the nearest tombstone. Dirt caught under her nails, one even broke off but she ignored the unpleasant feeling. She pushed the stone lid of the casket a little, enough so that she could fit in her small frame, crawled inside, and tried to slide the opening a bit back into its previous position. As the first rays of sun hit the crosses adorning some of the graves, Sarah felt her eyelids closing on their own accord.

She didn’t know how long she stayed in this dreamless state but she knew she woke up for a reason. Cold hunger filled her up again and tugged urgently on her nerves, clouding her mind until it was all she could think about. The sun has just set, so the sky was still pleasantly colorful. Sarah left the tomb and let her senses guide her towards fresh blood. Not far away was a little cottage with smoke already coming out of its chimney. She wasn’t sure how she knew but one man lived inside, older yet still full of vigor. The beat of his heart sounded like music to her ears, the gentle flow of blood in his veins whispering to her the closer she got. There was no point in being subtle. She burst through the doors and before he could let out one scream, she attached herself to his neck and sucked until every trace of warmth left his body.

Surprisingly the hunger didn’t go away. Constant. Insatiable. Sarah started trembling from it, her body hunching and nails pressing hard into palms. There was no one else around to appease it with and going to the village to hunt could cost her immortal life. She closed her eyes and tried breathing in and out. First short, raggedy breaths that turned into slow, long ones. She recalled the desperate vampires from the castle and the way Krolock held his head high as if the hunger couldn’t take away his dignity.

The Count. Sarah opened her eyes and for the first time in some time came back to the night before at the castle. That’s where she had to go. He would know what to do, he would give her shelter. Wasn’t that what he had promised her anyway? Eternity at his side. She glanced at the dead body at her feet. She couldn’t walk around leaving corpses in her wake, it was a sure way to get found by some angry villagers or even worse – vampire hunters. Faces of Professor Abronsius and Albert flashed in her memory. Now was not the time to feel sorry for whatever happened to them since she had left them. Sarah stepped out of the cottage and tried to regain some sense of direction. She knew those woods like the back of the hand, she used to wander around them whenever she could since she was a child so it didn’t take her long to find the right path. She had to get to the castle before another sunrise.

She was a couple of minutes away from the gates when she heard rustling to her right. From between the bushes came out Alfred. But he didn’t look the way he did just a couple of hours ago. His clothes were torn and stained at the edges with something dark that looked like dried blood. His hair was ruffled and dirty. But the biggest difference was the empty, emotionless look in his eyes. Gone was the lovesick softness. They stared at each other in silence for some time.

“I killed him. I killed Professor Abronsius.” His voice came out hollow and chocked up. Sarah didn’t get a chance to think of a replay before he spoke up again. It sounded like he has been waiting for the words to spill out of him.

“I didn’t want to. I just wanted it to stop hurting. I was so hungry, Sarah. And he didn’t even fight me, oh no. I could’ve let him live but I knew he wouldn’t want to go on like this.” He looked with disgust at his hands, as if the old man’s blood still colored them crimson.

“I’m sorry--“

“Oh, are you really? I should have never gone after you to the castle.”

“I have never asked you to. In fact, I’d said I wanted to stay. You should have listened.”

“Forgive me for trying to rescue you! Forgiving me for caring about you, for loving you!”

Sarah wasn’t sure whether vampires could cry but if they did, Alfred was close to tears at the moment. She had seen no harm in light banter and flirting that brought no promises. She had never led him on, nevertheless, the sight of him made her feel guilty.

“You can come to the castle if you want.” He looked up sharply, but before a glimmer of hope could settle in his eyes, she added “The Count’s son would be glad to see you there. You could stay with him. You’d be safe.”

Alfred chuckled bitterly but didn’t dismiss the idea. Maybe it was not the future that he had envisioned but it could possibly be the best one that fate had in store for him from now on. He didn’t look like he wanted to move so Sarah resumed her walk as the first birds started chirping, announcing the upcoming dawn.

The castle was as quiet as on the first day she had gotten there. This time she didn’t look around in wonder and uncertainty, she knew where she was going. She passed by the ballroom, now motionless and hallow, and the memories flashed before her eyes. Oh just had excited she had been, fearless and ready for whatever the fate had in store for her. For whatever the Count could give her. She had been the honorary guest of the ball, like a princess returning to her castle and for the first time in her life, she felt _important_ and _appreciated_. She was no fool, she knew the only reason why the graveyard creatures had stared at her in amazement was because of the blood coursing through her veins. But for once she was not an obedient daughter that could be kept locked away, not a pretty girl chosen as an object of adoration against her own will. She wanted to experience something bigger, stronger, real pleasure even be it laced with pain. And the Count had looked so magnificent, unlike any other man she had ever seen before. Tall, proud, and mysterious, as dangerous as he was dashing. There had been an unusual air of indifference to him but she had blamed it on the company around them. He had taken her in his arms and it had been everything that she had imagined. But then came the part that she had not anticipated. A pang of pain traveling through her body from the wound on her neck. Sneering laughter and unkind hands. Krolock’s burning gaze on her, intense yet empty. Then that weird escape from the castle, Alfred telling her she was finally safe, not knowing it was him who was in danger. More had happened in those last 24 hours than in Sarah’s entire life. The thought made her head spin a little.

Someone rounded the corner hurriedly and almost collided with her. After a moment she recognized Herbert, the Count’s vampire son. He looked astonished to see her there, which made her question where else he thought she should be. A wide smile spread on his lips, revealing his sharp fangs. Not a sarcastic, cheeky smile but a genuine one.

“Come with me. Father’s been awaiting you.”

Just like that he took her under her arm, lightly yet persistently and led her down the corridor, to a room in another part of the castle, one that she remembered consisted of the Count’s many private chambers. They passed by a long line of mirrors and she wouldn’t have guessed they were ones, had she not remembered studying her own reflection in them just a couple of night ago. She couldn’t see her own figure nor Herbert’s. As if there was no one there. Soon she regretted that aspect of her new immortal life when Herbert gently pushed her into one of the rooms that turned out to be a study.

Krolock stood up from the lavish chair he was sitting in and turned to her in a hurry. Only the expression on his face said he had not only not been waiting for her but also hadn’t even suspected her arrival. The pure bewilderment written across his sharp features made her look down on herself self-consciously. The gown was completely ruined, frayed, and torn at the hem. The precious bedazzlement ripped off in many places. She caught a glimpse of her ruined shoes and felt a pang of shame at the muddied traces that she had left on the floor. Sarah didn’t even want to think about the disastrous state of her dirty nails or messy hair. There was probably even a bloody smear coming from her chin to her collarbones from the man she had fed on before. She must have looked ridiculous. She should have taken a bath before coming to see him.

“Please excuse the mess, Herbert brought me here right when I got to the castle, I didn’t have a chance to—” she hesitated. He was still examining her quietly as if her mere presence was a shock to him, as if she hadn’t been quite clear just a night ago about wanting this life and wanting it with him.

“I’m going to freshen up if that’s okay with you.”

“No. Yes.” He finally tore his eyes away from her, straightening and curling his long fingers in that peculiar manner of his “What I meant to say is no, I do not mind. Do whatever pleases you.”

Sarah came back to her previous bedchamber, where the fireplace was already burning, puzzled by the Count’s behavior. Did he suddenly not want here there? Did she do something wrong at the ball? She hoped he was not upset with her because of that situation with Alfred. She had been too weak to protest but she was back now. She filled the massive bathtub with hot water and poured in as many fragrant oils as she wanted. The dress pooled at her ankles as she undressed and the sight of the ruined garment made her sad. If Sarah had found bathing pleasurable before it was nothing compared to how her heightened senses perceived it now. She loved how the water pleasantly burned her skin. She suddenly could smell new undertones in her favorite fragrances which only made the prospect of eternity spent taking countless baths much more exciting.

Once cleaned and dressed in the soft, white dress she had come to the castle in, hair still slightly damp and curling at the ends, Sarah padded back to her room and there he was, standing in front of the fireplace. A soft light coming from the dying out flames illuminated the room in a warm glow. She walked over to the bed, climbed on it curled up, bringing her legs close to her chest. She decided she really liked the smell of the castle, of him – a mix of something ethereal, like in a church cathedral, and sweet dust that made her think of old, sunny libraries and excitingly mysterious attics. Sarah looked at Krolock and just let herself observe, as she has done many times in the past. She understood why some people would find him terrifying but she certainly did not. His features, all sharp lines, were serious and elegant. Dark eyes set deep into his face shone dangerously, but there was a hidden sadness to them. She especially liked his strong, slender hands, and stern lips and spent more time dreaming of kissing them than she would care to admit. He suddenly turned to her, his expression not any warmer than when she had arrived.

“What happened?”

Sarah wasn’t entirely sure what part of her night he was referring to. She was playing with the hem of the dress while she tried to remember.

“I killed a man. He lived alone so nobody saw me. I also slept at a cemetery because it was the only place I could think of at the time. A little silly of me.”

“And the boy?”

“Alfred?” She was so surprised she looked up at him but his gaze was set on something in the room. His voice sounded indifferent but she noticed a small crease in-between his eyebrows. “What about him?”

“What happened to him?”

“I bit him and then left.”

“You did?” He turned to her for the first time, looking perplexed.

“Well, I didn’t have much of a choice. I was hungry.” He smiled at that, a little quirk to his lips, and Sarah realized she had never seen him smile before. It made him look much less intimidating. Sarah returned the smile earnestly, hoping to humor him more in the future.

A beat of silence passed between them but it was not an uncomfortable kind. He turned as if to leave before he asked in a soft, quiet voice.

“Did you really want it? Do you not regret it?”

“What? Becoming a vampire?” This time it was Sarah’s turn to look perplexed. Of course, she wanted it. She has wanted it ever since she laid her eyes on the castle. “I knew what I was getting myself into ever since your invitation. Although I’ll admit it was not the first thing that I had imagined when thinking about the ball.”

If Sarah could still blush, she would at that moment. He must have known but to think of the Count in such a way was one thing but to openly admit it to him was something entirely different. From the way that he had touched her face and brushed his finger against her lips, she had thought he would kiss her then, right before granting her eternal life. She hadn’t had enough time to let disappointment sink in before he placed his mouth on her neck though and she had had other things to focus on at that time.

“What was it then?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts. There was a spark of genuine curiosity to his gaze as if he couldn’t imagine anything else she might have wanted since she got exactly what she came for. For someone supposedly so dangerous and scary he was just another oblivious, confused soul, and to discover that side of him made Sarah smile fondly.

She got up from the bed quietly and in a couple of steps, she was already in front of him. Krolock was a very tall man so she had to climb on her toes to reach him. Before he realized what she was about to do and tried to run away, Sarah grabbed his face and brought their lips together. For a moment he stood very still, seemed to not even breathe and cold fear gripped Sarah’s heart that maybe she misunderstood him and made a huge mistake. Then she felt a tentative yet strong hand rest at the small of her waist, pulling her in closer gently. Sarah deepened the kiss, savoring the moment. She had kissed a boy or two in the past, bashful exchanges of clumsy courtship somewhere in secret so her father wouldn’t know. This was different though. The way he held her as if she was something precious that he was still afraid to break. And the way he kissed her, as passionately as she could have ever hoped for.

He broke off the kiss earlier than Sarah would have wanted and she swayed on her feet a little, trying to chase after him. Krolock brushed her hair away from her face tenderly and rested his fingers at the crook of her neck, where her pulse point used to be, making her shiver. She heard a low chuckle and when she opened her eyes he was already looking at her with such amazement she could not imagine being able to ever choose a different life than this one.

“What an interesting little creature you are.”

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend reading my other story from Krolock's POV and thanks for reading this one :)


End file.
